she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
