if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
