I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
