I wanna bring you to show and tell
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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