put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
