You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
