The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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