wake up i wanna do it froggy style
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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