what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize