the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's blow job season.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think my moral compass just broke
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
