I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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