i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
