Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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