Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
