i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
