about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
