Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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