Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
