where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
