So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
