So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
