Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
