he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize