So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
