Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
