I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
