You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize