We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We need a shit load of segways right now
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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