Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
