In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
