I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You're like the curious george of whores
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
