Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
