I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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