bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
