If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
