just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
