Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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