i think my tv is drunk
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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