I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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