Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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