Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
