Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
