I puked a lego.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
