my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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