my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
