I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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