Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
