all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
