Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
