Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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