Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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