I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
