my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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