Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
