Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
