I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
