well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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