if i can run in heels then i can drive
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
whose parrot is this?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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