while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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