Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
