I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
