Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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