I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it's like iHOP with fire
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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