College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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