There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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